Empathic Listening
The writer, Zamena Manekia-Manji (Bujumbura, Burundi) is a writer for TMJ News. Born and raised in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania and currently residing in Bujumbura, Burundi, her writing has evolved from fiction to Islamic, contemporary, and historical writings. She works in the history and Islamic events department at TMJ News, where she previously worked as a breaking News writer. Zamena is also a writer for 313juniors, a YouTube channel that works to produce Islamic content for little children, trying to improve her writing with each task. Through her words, she hopes to shed some light on Islamic History and share her thoughts on contemporary views through an Islamic lens, slowly doing her part towards building a better and stronger society.
Back in college, our team was summoned to the director’s office in a quest to resolve a few conflicts that had arisen among us. Despite our differences and strong opinions, his one sentence was capable of burying the hatchet and helping us find common ground within minutes. “Life is all about being sensitive to others’ feelings,” he told us. A simple statement, yet powerful enough to bridge gaps, build deeper connections, and quite literally strengthen relationships. This, from my perspective, is exactly how we can be empathic listeners.
The word empathy is often confused with sympathy. Empathy can be loosely translated as feeling with someone—in other words, putting ourselves in their shoes—whereas sympathy refers to feeling for someone. Sympathy recognizes hardship, while empathy connects with the experience.
Empathic listening is how one listens when someone is sharing their experience—an active skill that puts empathy into action. One can feel empathy without listening, but cannot truly listen empathically without empathy.
Through empathic listening, the listener conveys a profound message, assuring the speaker that their problem is understood and their feelings are valid, without judgment. The speaker will open up through both words and body language. By adopting this deeply humane method of communication, the listener encourages the speaker to fully express themselves, without interruption or criticism.
The power of empathic listening in turbulent settings is conveyed in Madelyn Burley-Allen’s description of the skilled listener. “When you listen well,” Burley-Allen says, “you:
- acknowledge the speaker,
- increase the speaker’s self-esteem and confidence,
- tell the speaker, ‘You are important’ and ‘I am not judging you,’
- gain the speaker’s cooperation,
- reduce stress and tension,
- build teamwork,
- gain trust,
- elicit openness,
- gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and
- obtain more valid information about the speakers and the subject.” [5]
To obtain these results, Burley-Allen says, a skilled listener:
- “takes information from others while remaining nonjudgmental and empathic,
- acknowledges the speaker in a way that invites communication to continue, and
- provides a limited but encouraging response, carrying the speaker’s idea one step forward.”
These simple yet powerful communication skills can help resolve conflicts between peers and family members and can even help one connect better with children. Once we adopt and work on these instinctive concepts, we may also possess the ability to make the world a better place. The ripple effect works wonders.
Sources : https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening
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