Spirituality
The writer, Dr Hasnain Walji (Texas, USA), is the Head of the Khoja Heritage Project of The World Federation of KSIMC. A lifelong educator and historian, he has dedicated over three decades to documenting the rich, socio-religious journey of the Khoja Shia Ithna-Asheri community. His landmark documentary, The Khojas – A Journey of Faith, traces this evolution across 600 years. Over the past 30 years he had been collecting care Gujarati and Khoji history books housed at the Mulla Asghar Memorial Library in Toronto, which he co-founded with Raza-Aly Hiridjee.
Serving for almost half a century, he had been the former Secretary General, Vice President, and President of The World Federation. Professionally, he is a nutritionist and has also authored 26 books on naturopathic medicine, translated into several languages. As Executive Director of the United Global Initiative and a Trustee of the Jaffer Family Foundation, he leads the CodeGirls project, which empowers underprivileged girls to pursue technology careers. He has also been instrumental in facilitating the ‘Ashura at Harvard’ study track at Harvard Divinity School, promoting academic discourse on Shi’ism through the fully funded the JafferFamily Foundation.
Our creator seems to have left us a subtle message with the design: two ears and just one mouth. It’s like a divine hint to keep our proportions in check – one-third speaking, two-thirds listening. Now, just imagine if both parties in a conversation actually followed this ratio. We’d end up with a glorious period of one-third pure silence, where everyone’s too busy listening to bother talking. Sounds peaceful, doesn’t it? I call that an ikigai-conversation.
Navigating conversations isn’t just about winning arguments or proving your point – though, let’s be honest, that can be pretty satisfying. No, it’s about finding your groove in the dialogue through that
Ikigai-conversation.
Step one to mastering this ikigai conversation is being present. I know, easier said than done when your phone is buzzing, your email is pinging, and your dog is staring at you like it’s about to stage a coup. But try – just try – to let go of the distractions. Being fully engaged might help you realise that the person across from you is actually a human, not just background noise.
Then there’s the delicate art of listening. But not just any kind of listening – this is about listening with empathy, which is basically code for “don’t just sit there planning your killer comeback.” Instead of mentally rehearsing your next zinger, try to understand where the other person is coming from. Trust me, acknowledging their perspective might even get them to trust you back. Imagine that.
Speaking of trust, let’s talk about speaking truthfully. Get to the point, without all the hidden agendas and verbal gymnastics. Say what you mean, without trying to control the narrative like you’re writing the next big twist in a Netflix drama. It’s not only refreshing – it might actually get people to trust you. And wouldn’t that be a nice change?
Now, let’s add some curiosity into the mix. Instead of tossing out the usual questions that make people’s eyes glaze over, try something open-ended. Don’t just look for confirmation of what you already think you know. Get curious! Ask questions that lead to discoveries, like why exactly we all decided to start putting avocados on toast. The world is your oyster – or avocado, as it were.
And while you’re at it, let’s practice mindful inquiry – yes, I know, it sounds like something out of a wellness retreat brochure, but stick with me. This is about approaching discussions with an open mind, even when you’re 100% sure you’re right (because, let’s face it, aren’t we always?). Instead of bulldozing through with your opinions, consider that you might actually learn something from the other person. Shocking, I know.
While you’re refining your ikigai-conversation skills, maybe dial down the verbal sparring. Embody nonviolence in your communication, which means leaving the verbal smackdowns at the door. Speak with respect and compassion, and save the snark for your group chat.
Lastly, don’t forget to look in the mirror. Cultivate some inner awareness – yes, even you have blind spots – and reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and biases. By doing this, you’ll not only be a more intentional communicator, but also maybe a tad less likely to cause eye rolls in the middle of a conversation.
In the end, an ikigai conversation is about more than just talking. It’s about creating a space where truth, curiosity, and understanding can flourish – or at the very least, where no one’s ready to flip the table by the end. So, next time you find yourself in a conversation, remember: it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about being fully present, fully engaged, and maybe, just maybe, a little more tolerable to be around.
Mulla Nasruddin once wisely said, “The wiser you are, the more you listen.” That’s because the fewer words you speak, the more impactful they become. So, each time you’re about to unleash a monologue, measure your verbal output in the proportion of one mouth and two ears.
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