Slowing Down
Contributed by Jan Bonhoeffer, Psychology Today
The day I learned to breathe again began, ironically, in a hospital corridor.
It was 9:15 a.m., and I was already behind schedule. Emails unanswered, phone buzzing, mind juggling three patient stories at once. Then an elderly man with a cane stepped into the hallway in front of me. He moved slowly, deliberately, pausing between steps as if listening for instructions from the ground.
For a moment, I considered darting around him. But something—maybe exhaustion, maybe curiosity—made me stop. I matched my pace to his. Our footsteps echoed in unison. My mind quieted. The urgency dissolved.
That was the first time I understood: slowing down is not doing less—it’s accessing more.
Modern life trains us to compress moments, stacking one on top of another until the day feels like a precarious tower. We check our phones while stirring the soup. We plan tomorrow’s meeting during today’s conversation.
Neurologically, this constant future focus floods the brain with anticipatory stress signals—spikes of cortisol and adrenaline that keep us hyper-vigilant but drain our emotional bandwidth.
Slowing down is not doing less, but accessing more
Source: Flick / Shutterstock
When we operate this way for too long:
- The prefrontal cortex (responsible for focus, empathy, and decision-making) goes offline.
- The amygdala (our fear/alarm center) becomes overactive.
- Memory and creativity decline, because the brain is always primed for “what’s next” rather than “what’s now.”
Presence, by contrast, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering heart rate and blood pressure, increasing oxygen flow, and restoring access to higher brain functions.
The Hidden Cost of Rushing
We like to think multitasking makes us efficient. Yet research shows it reduces productivity by up to 40 percent and increases the likelihood of errors.
Relational safety is another casualty of this lack of presence. When someone sits opposite you and senses your attention splintering, they instinctively withhold. The conversation becomes surface-level, trust erodes, and subtle emotional cues are missed.
In healthcare, this can mean missing the moment a patient reveals their deepest concern. In parenting, it can mean missing the silent signal that your child needs reassurance. In leadership, it can mean missing the chance to inspire instead of to instruct.
Presence as a Portal
Presence is the first of the “six living principles”—a gateway into all the others.
It’s not about forcing stillness or emptying your mind like a meditation app might suggest. It’s about making yourself fully available with every cell of your body.
When you drop your pre-sense of what’s coming, you stop living as a particle bound to the clock and start resonating as a wave—open, attuned, receptive.
The Neuroscience of Time Dilation
Have you ever noticed how time seems to slow in moments of awe or danger? Neuroscientists call this “time dilation.” It occurs when the brain shifts into present-moment awareness, processing more detail per second.
Slowing down deliberately can create a similar shift.
- Micro-pauses before speaking give your brain time to choose words with care.
- Pausing during a walk allows your senses to register color, texture, and sound, which boosts mood-regulating neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.
- Even 60 seconds of stillness can reset your autonomic nervous system, reducing stress signals by 20-30 percent.
A Practice: The Mirror of Presence
Try this: Sit across from a friend or colleague. Maintain gentle, steady eye contact. Ask each other: “Who or what is experiencing this moment?”
Respond with whatever arises—without overthinking. In 30 seconds, swap roles. Continue for 5 minutes.
At first, answers come from the mind. Then the heart. Then, often, something wordless emerges—an awareness beyond either person’s identity.
This inquiry has roots in Atma Vichara (“self-inquiry”) from the Advaita Vedanta tradition, most notably articulated by Sri Ramana Maharshi (Maharshi, 1985). Contemporary adaptations also appear in Arjuna Ardagh’s work on awakening and relational presence (Ardagh, 2005). The version offered here—the Mirror of Presence—is an adaptation for relational coaching, designed to deepen trust and dissolve performance masks.
Even a few minutes of this “presence mirroring” can open space for authenticity, safety, and shared awareness.
Slowing Down in Daily Life
Presence doesn’t require a meditation cushion. Here are three “time dilation” techniques you can try today:
- Single-task with ceremony—Choose one daily action (making tea, washing hands, opening your laptop) and perform it with your full attention, as if it were sacred.
- Pause at thresholds—Before walking into a meeting, a patient’s room, or your own front door, take one deep breath and release all mental rehearsals.
- Listen with your skin—In conversation, imagine listening not just with your ears but through your whole body. Notice shifts in posture, tone, and energy.
What Happens When You Slow Down
The more you practice slowing down, the more you’ll notice:
- People open up more quickly.
- You recall more of what was said—and what wasn’t.
- You feel less exhausted at the end of the day, even if your schedule is full.
- Creativity and intuition emerge without forcing.
And perhaps most importantly, you begin to feel your own life again—not as a blur of obligations, but as a sequence of moments worth inhabiting.
In the hallway that day, the man with the cane eventually reached the elevator. He looked at me, eyes bright, and said: “It’s good to walk with someone who’s not in a hurry.”
We stepped inside together, not speaking, but fully present.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give—to yourself, to others, to the world—is simply to slow down enough to truly arrive.
References
Ardagh, A. (2005). Awakening into oneness: The power of blessing in the evolution of consciousness. Sounds True.
Maharshi, S. R. (1985). Be as you are: The teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi (D. Godman, Ed.). Penguin.
Rubinstein, J. S., Meyer, D. E., & Evans, J. E. (2001). Executive Control of Cognitive Processes in Task Switching. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 27(4), 763–797.
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