Etiquette

When things Go Wrong – Life advice

Asgar-DhanjiThe writer, Asgar Jafferali Dhanji (Dar es Salaam, Tanzania) served as the Secretary-General of the Africa Federation for two – 3-years terms.  He served as JIBA Vice Chairman – with a particular passion to raise funds and offer Micro Finance to our Community – for low-income, underprivileged, startups, Business loans, individuals, and small enterprises — thereby giving opportunities to grow economically.  He is the founder of Imaan Finance Ltd — the First Islamic Finance Institution in Tanzania.  and has also served in Dar es Salaam Jamaat’s Arbitration Committee as well as a Board member of Ebrahim Haji Charitable Hospital – with a particular passion for the project of building the new hospital.  He is now a motivational/Inspirational speaker giving regular Saturday Fajr lectures at Dar Imambara.

Life advice

C

ircumstances change. Mistakes are inevitable. Misunderstandings occur. When things go wrong, pause and examine.
Do not be in a rush to accuse anybody or anything. Getting excited and emotional only makes matters worse.


Try, calmy, slowly and methodically to find out what really happened. The idea is not to make people guilty and incompetent. It is to prompt them, caution them and to do better in the future. Become a Troubleshotter and help others realize and look for what is wrong.

Resist the temptation to criticize hastily. When people do poor work, ask questions and find reasons. Then attack the cause, not the person.


Frequently, we must work with people who are not like us, or capable like ourselves or competent like us. The aim is to get work done properly and productively and to avoid conflict.

How do you avoid quarrels and conflicts:
1. The controlling factor is attitude. Everyone has self-respect.
2. When errors cause a conflict, be specific . Avoid generalities and sweeping statements like: “You always seem to disagree” or”You are never helpful”.
3. Do not emphasize placing blame. In a problem-solving approach, it serves no useful purpose.
4. Examine your own biases and feelings first. Keep them from interfering with your desires for a satisfactory resolution.
5. Use language that does not evaluate – is not judgemental. Sometimes our language reveals feelings without our being aware of them.


Remember, the aim is to work cooperatively and find ways to avoid conflict.

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